Ruka Souen: A Hanabusa Aidou Report
by Kizee
Summary: Hanabusa's sad attempt of extra credit.
1. RSJ

First of all, thank you to Starcrossedlover12, Bommie, alyzzahp, 24Tears, darisu-chan, and Rinako for reviewing the Kaname version of this story :)

I don't own Vampire Knight, Chuck Norris Jokes, or blonde jokes. Kay? Good.

ENJOY! :D

* * *

**Student:**

**AIDOU, HANABUSA**

**Sex:**

**Not yet**

**Age:**

**17-ish…**

Hanabusa Aidou scanned quickly over his report card.

**GRADES:**

**VAMPIRE/HUNTER HISTORY: A**

**VAMPIRE HUNTING ED: A**

**MANNERS: B**

**UNIFORM APPERAL: A**

**PERCENTIALS:**

**HOMEWORK: 100%**

**TESTS: 100%**

**CURRENT EVENTS: 100%**

**ESSAYS: 35%**

And this is why he is here.

"YAGARI-sensei! My essay-" Aidou started.

Toga took a bite out of the apple Aidou just gave him.

"That essay last week did not at ALL follow the topic of ANYTHING I teach at class. Vampires are NOT amazing in any way and I feel that essay attempted to prove otherwise."

"So… my essay… made vampires seem to amazing for you?" Aidou asked.

"Well… in a way, yes. So-"

Toga couldn't say another world. Aidou was gone. Aidou was long gone. Aidou was Ichiru gone.

* * *

The next day.

Aidou stood up in class. Everyone groaned because no one ever cared for what he had to say.

"Yagari-sensei," Aidou spoke. "I believe I have found a way to change your mind about my last essay!"

"I don't-"

Aidou slid out of his chair and ran to the front of the classroom. He cleared his throat loudly.

"RSJ, A paper written by Hanabusa Aidou," he began.

"Rima says to Ruka; 'Look! A dead bird!' Ruka looks up and says 'Where?'

Why did Ruka tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? So she wouldn't wake the sleeping pills.

Ruka found herself sitting next to Akatsuki on an airplane. He just kept bugging Ruka, wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the Akatsuki offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time she could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. Akatsuki figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

Akatsuki first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" Without saying a word, Ruka handed him $5.

Then she asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, Akatsuki looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50. Ruka put the $50 into her purse without comment, but Akatsuki insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, Ruka handed him $5.

Once upon a time Ruka was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheepherder over.

"That's a nice flock of sheep," Ruka said.

"Well thank you," said the herder.

"Tell you what. I have a proposition for you," said Ruka.

"Okay," replied the herder. "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" she asked.

"Sure," said the sheepherder.

So, Ruka sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382".

"Wow," said the herder. "That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home."

So Ruka went and picked one out and put it in her car. Upon watching this, the herder approached Ruka and offered, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you."

"What is it?" queried Ruka.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair... can I have my dog back?"

Ruka with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her

'What happened?'

She answered, 'I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.'

'Oh Dear!' the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. 'But what happened to your other ear?'

'The person called back.'"

* * *

Aidou could not finish his paper. Ruka was already sharpening her knife (and my mom is yelling at me for the computer).

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Thanks for reading! ^^


	2. RSJ2

Hey I'm putting up a few more jokes! And this time my "families health insurance won't be here next year" doesn't matter! Pfft, who cares anyway, ya know? jk

AAAAAAAND thanks to iCYxTEARS, Rinako, 24Tears, and hakuria hitsugaya

for reviewing the first chapter (and some the Kaname version as well ;).

* * *

Yagari Toga looked left to right, searching the classroom for any trace of vampire scum.

_Nothang._

He smiled and pulled out the bottom drawer in his desk. Taking out the paper he was given earlier, he continued to read;

"I'd imagine by now, Ruka would have started to try to kill me. Meaning only one thing: This is Yagari-sensei reading this after class."

Toga's eyebrows lifted. Aidou called that one.

"Anyway, for my DARLING teacher's enjoyment, I have continued.

Ruka went to the pizza place and ordered a pizza. The pizza guy asked her if she wanted it cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Oh, six," she said. "I could never eat twelve pieces."

During her company's periodic password audit, Ruka was found to be using this password:

When she was asked why she had such a long password, she said, "The boss said that my password had to be at least eight characters long and have at least one capital."

Ruka and Rima met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. Ruka bet Rima $50 that he wouldn't jump, and Rima replied, "I'll take that bet!"

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so Ruka gave Rima the $50 she owned. Then Rima said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." Ruka said, "No. A bet's a bet."

So Rima said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

Ruka replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

-Why did Ruka put lipstick on her forehead?Because she was trying to make up her mind.

-Ruka was asked what the capital of California was. "That's easy," she said. "It's C."

A brunette Ruka goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"

She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

Ruka, Yuuki-sama and Rima are running from the cops. They hide on a potato farm. They crawl into some potato bags. The first cop pokes the bag with Yuuki-sama in it. She says, "Meow." The cop confirms that it is just a cat. The second cop pokes the bag with Rima in it. She says, "Woof." The cop says that it is just a dog. The third cop pokes the bag with Ruka in it. She say in her sweetest voice, "Potato."

I shall conclude my report with 6 facts of the known world.

1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time. A physical impossibility.

2. All idiots after reading #1 will try it.

3. And discover #1 is a lie.

4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.

Ooooooor you're about to fail me, Toga-sensei. But let's not do that! Please reconsider my grade of my last report! PLEASE!

- Lots of love,

Hanabusa Aidou"

"…" Toga pulled out his grade book.

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THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! Reviews are loved and if you liked this story there's a Kaname version as well. :)

-Kizee


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